Ep #409: If I Can’t “Train” My Referral Sources, What Do I Do?

Stacey Brown Randall: Hey there, do you love referrals but hate asking for them? Well, then you’ve come to the right place. This is the Roadmap to Referrals podcast, and I’m your host, Stacey Brown Randall.

Every week, I break down why you don’t have to ask, pay, be gimmicky, or network all the time to generate referrals for your business.

We take a science-backed approach with our methodology, framework, and strategies. The goal is simple, to help you take control of your referrals on your terms.

All right, welcome back. This is our third episode on breaking down the questions I get when people are looking for more referrals, specifically more or new people referring them.

Now, if you didn’t listen to the last two episodes as part of this series, that’s episode 407 and 408, please go back and start there. Those episodes really do put into context and give you the context behind more people, new people referring you.

And we talk a lot in episode 408 about using networking as a way to get more people referring you as well. And I have a specific way that I look at that. So those two episodes are great for you to start with.

So if you haven’t listened to 407 and 408, hit pause, go back and listen to them. It’s cool, I’ll be waiting. I’ll still be here when you come back to this episode.

Now, for this episode, I wanna dig a little deeper to a next level question I get, which is if I can’t train my referral sources, like who and what to refer to me, what do I do?

So if you know me, you know that the use of the word train when we were talking about humans, kind of drives me insane because humans are not dogs, they don’t need to be trained.

But I totally get the sentiment, and I believe when most people use that word, of how do I train my referral sources so they know who to refer to me, I know they don’t actually mean that word specifically.

So I totally get the sentiment of what they’re trying to figure out. Like, hey, how do I make sure I’m getting the right people referred to me? That is a legitimate concern.

Now, here’s the thing though. When you’re trying to generate new people, when you’re trying to cultivate and nurture new people to start referring to you, that’s actually the last thing you need to worry about.

I know, sounds backwards, sounds crazy, but if you understand the science behind how the relationship is going to develop, where someone who’s never thought to refer you will then think to refer you, if you understand the science behind how we connect those two pieces, it never starts with actually knowing how or who to refer to you.

It’s not relevant. You’re not there yet. So I wanna make sure that you understand those that can refer to you first really starts with understanding who can refer to you first, okay?

And it’s really important that we understand that there are humans on the other side of this and relationships that we are working to build. And that is gonna set the stage for everything we’re gonna do.

Because here’s the thing I want you to remember, above all else, before I’ll ever consider remembering to refer you, before I’ll ever remember considering to refer you, I have to have two things in place, desire and opportunity.

Same goes for any of your potential referral sources. Before a potential referral source will even pay attention to the opportunity, you must first build desire.

And they go in that order, desire and then opportunity.

Desire meaning, that I choose you. I choose to refer to you because of our relationship, which must be based on more than me just knowing what you do or must be based more on your referral source knowing what you do.

In fact, your referral source won’t even remember what you do until they know that you care about them. And caring about them more than just someone who can give you something.

More than just someone who can refer a potential client. So in this case, it really is important to the folks that you want to generate referrals from, you have to first start by seeing them as people, seeing them as humans, and really focused on being a giver, not a taker.

Now I know if you’re thinking, hey, I need some referrals now, none of what I’m saying today is gonna make you feel awesome. None of it.

None of what I say today is gonna be like, woohoo, let’s go do it today because that’s not how referrals work, okay?

So I just want to be really clear about when we’re cultivating new people to start referring us and you’re thinking to yourself, well, how do I make sure they know that they’re referring me the right people?

This is a multi-step process and you have to understand those multi-steps in this process and then you have to execute on it correctly and it does take some time.

Now, as an aside, let me just say this real quick. If you have people who are referring to you now, so what we call existing referral sources and they’re not referring you, your ideal clients, like who they’re referring you are not ideal, they’re not quality.

Well, that is a quality conversation that you need to have with that existing referral source and that can be handled, once you know the script, that can be handled pretty easily.

But we’re not talking about, hey, I’ve got people referring me and they’re not quality.

You’re talking about making sure in this case that, hey, I want to get new people to start referring me and you’ve got it in your head that somehow it’s really important that you’ve got to train them, right?

You got to make sure they know who to refer to you. And yes, it is important, right?

If you’re a CPA, that they don’t refer you somebody who’s going through a divorce and is looking for an attorney, right? Yes, of course.

But knowing what you do and who to refer to you is the last thing we worry about. And the first thing we worry about is the relationship that you’re willing to build with them.

Once we build the relationship with them, that is how we’re able to control the desire that they refer to you versus any of your other competitors or anybody else they know what you do.

And then we worry next about them actually having opportunity. You don’t control opportunity.

So it’s really important as you’re thinking through this, I need you in your head to almost consider flipping what you want and flipping it to the back end of what you’ll actually receive and knowing that there’s a whole other process that’s going to come first.

So first you’re going to focus on being the person they want to refer to. And that is by the relationship you cultivate with them and then maintain.

You can’t meet somebody once and then at the end of it, they’re like, that was an awesome conversation. And now all of a sudden, you’re going to unleash a river of referrals. That’s not how it works.

So you have to make sure that you are cultivating the right relationship with them and then you’re maintaining it.

And then by right relationship, I mean that you actually care and you’re genuine and you’re willing to set aside your ultimate objective, which is referrals from this person to actually focus on being a type of person that this person wants to know and get to know better.

Because they’re never going to refer you unless they actually know that you care. Because if they don’t know that you care, they’re going to forget about you in two weeks anyway.

I know that sounds harsh, but it’s just the way it works. So first focus on being the person they want to refer, the desire to pick you over anyone else. Then you can focus on the opportunity.

Now this works better and best when you’ve done the two steps I talked about and our two previous episodes, 407 and 408.

In 407, we talked about making sure that you have like an ideal profile of your ideal referral source, like having a profile of your ideal referral source.

And if you don’t have that, we are diving into it during our live teaching for this month.

It is our 20-minute teaching for April, and you can sign up in the link below the video if you’re watching this on YouTube or of course it’s in the show notes page if you are listening to this on your favorite podcast listening app.

Okay, so that’s the first thing, knowing who should be referring to you, your ideal referral source, certainly shortcuts some of the work here, right? That’s important to do.

And then of course, second is to identify where and how you might meet those ideal referral sources. And then that brings you to where we are today.

Now it’s like, okay, you’ve identified these folks, you know who your profile is, you’re starting to meet them and the thing you’re thinking in your head is, I just need them to refer me the right kind of people. And I am telling you that matters last.

What matters first is that they have a relationship with you. You’re genuine and you care. They actually know that you care about them differently, not just what they can give to you, right? You’re gonna be a giver, not a taker.

Because remember, no one will take the time to remember what you do, which means no one will remember who the right type of client is to refer to you until they believe that you care about them.

And when you impact how a potential referral source feels about you, and you know how to plant the referral seed language that I teach, in terms of so they can actually think about referring you, but it being their idea and that’s something you’re telling them to do.

That’s when they will shift from knowing you care to then actually start making connections. And it goes in that order.

Again, when you’re trying to cultivate new people to start referring you, even with having an ideal profile, even with being strategic with your networking, it still will come down to kissing some frogs before you find the princes and the princesses that can ultimately refer to you.

But when you’ve identified those princes and princesses that can ultimately refer to you, to get them to the place where they wanna refer, you actually gotta show up and be a human.

You gotta care, you gotta help, and you gotta be willing to do all those things and remove the idea from the objective that you’ll get referrals from them.

You’ll get them, but we don’t know exactly from whom, we don’t know exactly when or how often. And that is gonna take some time to cultivate and nurture.

But right now, you’re just trying to make sure you understand who are the right referral sources for you?

Where can you find them and get into the same room with them or get into the same relationships with them?

And then what is your focus point when you’re starting to cultivate those relationships?

And it’s not referrals. It’s not making sure they understand who they should be referring to. They don’t need to be trained.

They need to have a relationship with you first and know you care. That is most important. And then everything else starts to fall into place after that.

You can access the transcripts and the resources mentioned, like signing up for our 20-minute teaching, in the show notes page for this episode, StaceyBrownRandall.com/409.

Thanks for making it to the end. Until next week, take control of your referrals and build a referable business. Bye for now.